Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We left the knife in your bed.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dear god my vagina.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
