I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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