My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
