I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize