somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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