I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
