they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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