I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize