Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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