hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
