i just sent this text using only my big toe
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
