4 words: hood of his car
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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