when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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