oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
