come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
