ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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