Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
