Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
