Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
