allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
