Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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