Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
