This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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