And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize