Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
