The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
only if we run a train.
done.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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