Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the day after is always just damage control
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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