Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
