As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
