did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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