The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
