You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
