there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
