is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
