I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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