would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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