dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
