If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize