we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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