she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm really busy with my period
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