Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think my moral compass just broke
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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