I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
