he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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