So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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