I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
