shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize