We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
