So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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