but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
