"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
even my farts smell like vagina
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
