walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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