okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
the liver wants what the liver wants
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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