why didn't you poke me back
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
