Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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