Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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