walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
