I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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