If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
