It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just pee around me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
