so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need a beard to bite.
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