woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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