Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
