You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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