Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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