The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
