you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
