dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
