Ambien. No doubt about it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
