On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
