He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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