Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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