you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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