I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
