just tell him i said nine months
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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