Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
