john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
