My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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