they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
