"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
