Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
