Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
