i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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