we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm like, not good at living.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
